If I Die on Christmas

by Jake Bellissimo

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1.
If I die on Christmas, pull me out from the snow String me up with lights and throw me in a casket Tell the others that I won't be coming back Help them hold back tears so they don't freeze in the cold If I die on Christmas, bake a batch of cookies Sing some Christmas carols and run from door to door So, if I die on Christmas, please move onto New Year's Throw yourself a party and live like you might die Ride a bike across the country 'til you grow tired Meet some other people and sit beside a fire 'Cos no one knows for certain, at least, not you or I So let's kiss in the snow and gain warmth from this light because I think this feeling is electric
2.
Out on Gibbs St. again snow has fallen, it graces the road and it’s early enough that I am all I know A few months ago I gave away your clothes I thought you needed them but I should have known that I can’t fix everything by holding onto time It’s not mine but that’s fine That’s fine Last year I couldn’t listen to this album but now every note seems new and I feel like I’m in the recording sessions gaining my feelings back with each verse, breaking my heart in reverse I can hear Mariah singing “all I want for Christmas is you” and I’m thinking about how love never dies it just waits to renew
3.
If I die on Christmas, pull me out from the snow String me up with lights and throw me in a casket Tell the others that I won't be coming back Help them hold back tears so they don't freeze in the cold If I die on Christmas, bake a batch of cookies Sing some Christmas carols, run from door to door So, if I die on Christmas, please move onto New Year's Throw yourself a party, live like you might die Ride a bike across the country 'til you grow tired Meet some other people, sit beside a fire 'Cos no one knows for certain, including you and I So let's kiss in the snow and gain warmth from this light because I think this feeling is electric

about

All proceeds go to the Albany Damien Center, a resource center for people living with HIV & AIDS. (www.albanydamiencenter.org)

Christmas feels complicated. I was raised Catholic and am now distanced from Christianity but can get upset when I hear people say "Remember, kids, Jesus is the real reason for the season" before running to a tree to pillage for gifts. Though those two things aren't mutually exclusive, it still feels hypocritical and fruitless.

But to view only that as being representative of Christmas or the general holiday season (I'm just speaking about Christmas because of the personal context but this can be applied to any religious celebration that can be nestled within consumerism) gives into the culture we live in that encourages us to calculate the conversion rate between money and our feelings towards someone...this cynicism always makes me feel like I'm taking away something rather than giving it.

Instead, I think it's cool to take time off and make a gift for someone, write a friend a song, or walk in the snow with a loved one after dark. Then I think about my friends who appreciate that while also celebrating their deity and I think that is cool as well.

To get to these moments I have to sometimes think about a larger picture, tugging at something that might be melancholic (not necessarily a bad thing) so I snap back and run to hug a friend.

Here are two songs to elaborate:

credits

released December 13, 2017

I wrote, arranged, sang and played piano/celeste on, recorded, produced, and mastered these songs

With help from (and many thanks to),

Nick Piato: Trumpet (Track 1)
Gabriel Ramos: Bass trombone (Track 1)
Laura Hundert: Clarinet (Track 1)
Chandler Brown: Vibraphone (Track 1), Sleigh bells (Track 1)
Adam Sadberry: Flute (Tracks 1/2)
Ekatarina Gorlova: Additional vocals (Track 2)
Carolena Belle Lara: Additional vocals (Track 2)
Raina Arnett: Baroque Violin (Track 1), Violin (Track 2)
Mary Fortino: Clarinet (Track 2)
Rennie Cotner: French Horn (Track 2)
Zack Osinski: Flute (Track 2)
The Lilac Quartet (Track 2), featuring Haley Schricker (Violin), Julia Churchill (Violin), Ethan Durell (Viola), and Jordan Lee Gunn (Cello)

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about

Marlene Bellissimo Berlin, Germany

I'm a trans woman in Berlin with songs from a past life. More music coming soon🌸

Email me: marlene.bellissimo@gmail.com

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