Jolly Old Saint Nick

by Jake Bellissimo

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1.
If I go to the place where silence erased me, I would realize I was never in the dark The things I felt always in front of me Deprived of a word for what I see So, here I go, getting on a plane Escaping the snow for Hawaii Driving up a mountain to kiss a man with a beard of snow against his suntan but then I heard "love" and I ran Easy to get lost in the woods when there isn't a map to begin with ...And to think that feeling love in a way you've never seen could ever be a bad thing... But now I know better and remind myself I wasn't wrong about Jolly Old Saint Nick
2.
I know what you are I know what you do Snowfall in Mitte, 1892 I know this direction we've headed in wasn't a choice not from heaven nor sin You could say that we are risking our lives But, hey, it's the 90's We're just tryin' to survive But that's how things go in our home, this enclave Dance through the night while others look away Snowflakes bringing out the rose in your cheeks Each exhaled breath feels like a sigh of release I know what you are and I think I am that, too Snowfall in Mitte, 1892 I don't know what we are, but I know what we'll do Snowfall in Mitte, 1892 Hackescher snowflakes All planned to be made Our form of love A saving grace Two halves lost on a factory track No route to go other than to get back I can't see the stars but I can see you Snowfall in Mitte, 1892
3.
If I go to the place where silence erased me, I would realize I was never in the dark The things I felt always in front of me Deprived of a word for what I see So, here I go, getting on a plane Escaping the snow for Hawaii Driving up a mountain to kiss a man with a beard of snow against his suntan but then I heard "love" and I ran Easy to get lost in the woods when there isn't a map to begin with ...And to think that feeling love in a way you've never seen could ever be a bad thing... But now I know better and remind myself I wasn't wrong about Jolly Old Saint Nick

about

Being queer for me has always felt less about self discovery and more about semantics. Instead of looking for my queerness, I had to find the vocabulary that society withheld from me while also creating my own. While digging through childhood items at my parents' house 2 years ago, I found a letter from when I was 7 years old in which I professed my love for Santa Claus. That might seem like an insignificant and silly discovery, but I don't think so.

To show you what I mean, here's "Jolly Old Saint Nick". Put simply, there is nothing wrong with feeling love in a way you've never seen.

You can also read an essay about it over at Various Small Flames: varioussmallflames.co.uk/2019/12/21/jake-bellissimo-love-queerness-and-jolly-old-saint-nick/

credits

released December 21, 2019

All songs written, arranged, performed, recorded, produced, and mastered
by me

With help from,

Jordaan Mason: Backup vocals (Track 1)
Awksymoron (Athena Matsil): Backup vocals (Track 1)
Raina Arnett: Violin (Track 1)
The Lilac Quartet (Track 1), featuring Haley Schricker (Violin), Julia Churchill (Violin), Ethan Durell (Viola), and Jordan Lee Gunn (Cello)
Bridget Kinneary: Backup vocals, Viola (Track 2)

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about

Marlene Bellissimo Berlin, Germany

I'm a trans woman in Berlin with songs from a past life. More music coming soon🌸

Email me: marlene.bellissimo@gmail.com

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